Dear Maria,
The loss of my adored husband (throught death) was the most traumatic thing I’d experience in my life, I thought….. Then, dealing with the disappearance of the ”circle of friends” that we’d spent so much time with was worse, but now, after 6 months, it’s freeing. What do I mean? I was divorced for the only time when I was 36. I knew I was walking away from a way of life. Little did I know when Dick died, that I was wasn’t walking away from , the ”friends who couldn’t get anything from me any longer” were going to lie, and try to move in on the special things that Dick had access to based on years of kindness and an incredible netowrk, they were trying to cheat me of my feelings and my love and respect for my husband’s memory as well as money. It’s not an addiction you are worried aobut, it’s a comfort zone. Surprise, there are only the comfort zones we create for ourselves. I went into a hole, and acted like a turtle, I’d poke my head out of my shell for a ”looky see” and if I didn’t like what I saw, I went back into the shell.
After 5 months, I started to branch out and go toward the socializing I like, theater, movies that are sweet, and to friends who care about me. I changed my hair cut, my wardrobe got freshening and I tried new makeup styles and types until I got comfortable. I’m emerging now, no guarantees that I won’t get the ”green meanies” again, but if I let ”them” or whomever is pestering me get to me, they win. My girlfriends have helped me heal, but, honestly I still cry a lot. Woudl I want to go back to how it was before my husband got sick and his kids became awful to me? Especially now that I know how it would end. No, I had the experience, I own it and it’s over, but I am not.
So, feel bad, own it, and then, give yourself time to know what you like and pursue it. Life will go on, you will be richer in so many ways once you look toward the light and enjoy the fact that you have loved, who knows, someone may be attracted to you in the future? And it may be even better than before.
Don’t let them win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
